Depression Fallout
The Impact of Depression on Couples and What You Can Do to Preserve the Bond

Do I Have Depression Fallout?

A quiz from Chapter 1, The Deadly Duo: Depression and Depression Fallout. 

Your initial task is to determine if this illness has a grip on your partner, but depression is a master of disguise, capable of appearing on the scene without any tell-tale rashes, coughs, or fever. All you are sure of right now is that your good relationship is coming unglued for no identifiable reason and that your partner is behaving in strikingly unfamiliar and unpleasant ways. Rather than asking if he or she might be depressed, which probably will be countered by outraged denial, do some detective work on your own state of mind. Start by reading the following similes composed by Board posters who rose to the occasion when asked to complete the sentence, "Trying to have a relationship with a depressed person is like . . .

• playing one huge game. The problem is, it's a game for which it's difficult to come up with a winning strategy. Nothing logical, as in other games, works. The depressive [posters refuse to use the politically correct "depressed person"] seems to know what keeps you in the game and uses that against you. It's a long, scary, sad game because it involves someone you love and you hate to see the person become your opponent."



• being on a roller coaster blindfolded."



• trying to unlock your car with a long, spindly coat-hanger wire. It seems like if you could just . . . get . . .the little hook . . . on the door lock you could . . . it would be so easy if just . . . oh . . . I think I have it . . .DRAT! . . . Count to ten, breathe, breathe, don't smash the window . . . breathe . . . okay, start again . . . move the hanger . . . almost there. . . ."



• banging your head against a brick wall. It takes you a while to figure out that you need to put your helmet on, and even then it still hurts."



• walking across a floor strewn with marbles. You're doing just fine, kind of keeping your balance, but working really hard at it, when all of a sudden-WHAM! No matter how many times you try, you end up on your butt."



• picking your way across a minefield because a child is crying on the other side. You have to do it or you would never forgive yourself, so you tiptoe gingerly on, each step bringing you to fuller realization of the hazards. Every now and again your foot touches something and your heart stops and you freeze, thinking that this may be the time everything explodes. Onlookers see only a field of poppies and cornflowers, so they're wondering what the hell your problem is. To them, it all looks idyllic, peaceful, and calm; to you it's an inescapable nightmare."

If several of the above elicited a "That's just how I feel!" reaction, rate yourself a possible depression fallout victim (and your partner a possible depression sufferer) and continue the test. Next, chart the ups and downs of your emotions since you first realized that an indefinable something sent the relationship off its normal track, and see if you can accurately place yourself in one of the five overlapping stages of depression fallout.